Yet Another Software Junk | മറ്റൊരു പാഴ്‌ജന്മം

Do you know why I am sticking on to the present company where I work?

It’s nothing but the ’Exit interview’ phobia. By any Chance, If I failed in the exit interview, I won’t be able to attend the same for the next 6 months ;-) Only God and myself knew how I got into this company. I had appeared for 18 unsuccessful interviews to get a good company to work for. Faced interview board from 12 major IT companies and 6 not-so-major companies. I had tried all the 18 tricks (pathinettadavum) and finally I heard "you got through; we would like you to offer..." Sorry I don't remember what he said after that.

Due to the busy schedule, most likely in the Library (only in administration not as a reader), Cricket, CLC etc, I had never imagined about sitting lonely. Once I had to face a ‘suppli’ (acronym for supplementary exam) in my life for the first time. Surprisingly that was my favorite lab- DS lab- I worked a lot for this. Do you know that I still keep its rough record. I loved that lab and I failed in that lab for getting some garbage values on the output in addition to the actual output. It was a ‘forgivable’ mistake, I would say. But that young lecturer didn’t consider that fact. Still, it didn't push myself into sad or lonely mood. Problems have piled up after the campus placements had begun.

I had nothing to put in the resume; no strong academic background; my marks had always swung between 68 -72%. The only asset was a consistent interest in C. Only plus point was a small C++ game. I couldn't even appear for around first 8 walk-ins since their expectation was very high. More than 75 % or 80%. pusthakapuzhu companikal ; just working in Java, DBMS, main frame etc. My dream was to get into a Unix/C oriented firm. I laughed at those giants. They just didn't deserve a 'brilliant' employee like me. I said in my mind. Ahankaaram; athente koodepirappanu.
But it grew up faster up to 6 feet 5inches while I had joined to GECT, itself. But I was just 5'5". Even though I failed to make the first few interviews, he was taller than me.

At that time prestigious companies arranged interviews at Abad plaza, Cochin. I wished if I could have been there for at least one interview (most of my classmates had appeared for interviews there. At last my turn came up. But I never expected it before. 3 interviews in two days. Entha sambhavichathu; entha nadannathu; oru pidiyumilla (I couldn’t remember what happened and what I did). Now, only thing I remember is that they (Abad) were playing Yaani’s live at acropolis in the background (in the reception, in corridors). I love those songs, especially “rain must fall”.

After my first interview(s) I couldn’t look back; I was sure that I’ll pass the written exam and I’ll reach up to the interview. I was sure that she (Abad Plaza) was waiting for me. Probably my technical talent and/or analytical skills were improved. Or all better guys might have got placed by that time. Anyway I became a regular visitor to Abad. Sometimes, I had to wait for longer time for my turn. Tension, tension, tension…; dhoodh peena mein tension; Sometimes I felt to scream at those ‘junk’ Yaani songs. ”rain must fall” appeared like “fire must fall”.

In a few occasion I was the topper in the test. Imagine how much I would have struggled - NOT to pass those interviews :-( Most of the time I was alone. Most of my friends, classmates were placed at that time. Take my ‘T(ea)’-mates; everyone got placed, except me. Take my cricket team; everyone got placed, except me. Take this; take that; everyone got placed, except me. But I was glad to represent my college all the time in interviews. My mind went blank after each interview; once I had even walked around 2 or 3 KM from Abad plaza to Mathrubhoomi Junction. (it could be even 4 or 5 KMs) . I didn’t know the exact distance.

On the way, I saw St.Antony’s church. Ini ippo ivide namichillennu venda. Many times I had walked in front of the church, never bother to get inside. Once I get inside, it was around 9 or 9.30PM. Nobody where there except a family. Very clam atmosphere. I could feel the gentle breeze on my face and my mind became cool.

What could be wrong?

Yeah, I did a few mistakes in technical side. My communication skills were poor. (junks !! they know only Queen’s and Clinton’s English. Poor guys they don’t know the stylish Thrissur accent; I am not blaming them since it was even not understandable by the people from the other part of Kerala)

And I analyzed more; it was not a problem of Communication skills only; they were ready to adjust. They were happy to see that I was answering most of the brilliant questions. Hence they were ready to forgive my mistakes. I remember one lady interviewer, Pooja, she did her maximum to motivate me, to bring best out me. But I resisted (njan vittukoduthilaa).

Yeah, problem was with my attitude.

My mind was much closed in interviews. Never picked up the clues; always kept boundary to the answers ( I knew what they are going to ask next; so I protested them not to ask further). I had miserably failed to understand their expectations. I failed to keep my head cool; I misunderstood that they were trying to find only my negative sides. Never bothered to give a reasonable explanation. One important thing is that I was not a fighting guy in interviews. I never tried to argue them technically. Somany times I couldn’t get what this junk guys were talking about? (may be they were trying to provoke me).

You need to feel the necessity of a job from your heart. Else whatever you do, it will not reach anywhere. Most of the time I wished like “God don’t give me this job if it doesn’t suit me”. Tell me, how will I get a job? So I changed my mind; “Ammini enkil ammini” (*).

Though my (present) company is a well-known IT giant in India, I didn’t know much about their work. I was not aware that this company’s client is a giant in internet and I didn’t know that they have a huge OS (5lakhs line of C code; spread across 30000 C files). And I was completely unaware that my job will be sustaining this code as a part of a prestigious team in the company.

One and only once I prayed like
“Oh GOD, rain must fall at this time.”; yes and it was an unexpected heavy rain!!!

side-notes:
(*) "Ammini enkil Ammini" is mallu local phrase : in fact,it is a 'state of mind' ;-)
backgroud:- One guy searches for a Aishwarya Roy kind of girl as Wife and failed. then finally he reached this state that he had to set his mind to marry any girl. Ammini is a local/common mallu name.

Simillar phrse: "inchi enkil inchi"

to be continued...
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Part I :Touching 5 years after we split
Part II : Once WE lived there
Part III : Changes
Part IV : Hostel Life